The secret to a happy relationship is two happy people — Naval

Photo by Dương Hữu on Unsplash

Simpel banget ya kelihatannya? Pengen bilang, “Ya elah coy.. Nenek moyang gw jg tau”? Tapi ya memang begini.

Makanya gw agak 🤔 gimanaaa gitu sama orang yang pas ngelamar bilang ke pasangannya: “I promise I'm going to make you happy.” Like, first of all: is she or he not happy right now? And also, 2) How are you gonna do that? Quoting Mirna Šmidt, founder of Happiness Academy: us humans are notoriously bad at predicting what will make us happy. We make our decisions about the future based on our past experiences, and on our present priorities and ways of thinking, and then by the time that future happens, it ends up being much different than we predicted.

Gw gak pernah memulai suatu hubungan romantis dengan harapan “Bismillah pasangan gw akan membahagiakan gw,” 🥵 or “My partner will complete me” 😵 I mean, HELLO you're not a puzzle yang perlu dilengkapi!!! You're a whole person already!!!

Be happy with yourself first. Kalo lo dan pasangan lo aja gak hepi as a person (dua pribadi yang berbeda ya) — gimana kalian berdua bisa punya happy relationship deh? It takes two to tango. You absolutely absorb your partner's energy — hence make sure you choose one who vibes similarly as you do 🌟

Photo by Nicola Styles on Unsplash

2017 is the year Alkira was born.

My older sister moved into our parents’ house when he was born. She needed an extra pair of hands to take care of Alki. She was moving into my room, to be exact. And that’s when she scolded me.

I remember it went something like this: ‘Ini apa iniii segala bobodolan di kamar u?? Punya barang tu di pake napa?? Ada body wash dll di kamar mandi tapi masih full?? Lo beli makanan juga dibiarin aja di kulkas sampe basi apa gimana???’

I didn’t realize it at the time. Waktu itu cuma masuk kuping kiri keluar kuping kanan aja omelan Pipo. Only recently, at the end of 2020, did I realize what she’s saying. She was right.

Why did I buy things and then keep them for ‘special occasions’ instead of using them right away?

I didn’t buy things I didn’t need out of boredom. I genuinely wanted the food I stored in the fridge or the Neutrogena body wash I kept in my bathroom. Jadi bukan “Gw beli tapi sebenernya gak butuh,” tapi lebih ke “Gw beli tapi barangnya gw sayang-sayang buat ‘nanti’ sampai akhirnya malah gak kepake.”

In her TED talk, Gillian Dunn explains that accumulating and not using our stuff is usually driven by two emotions. The first is, “I don’t have enough”. And the second is “I’m not enough”.

That prompted me to take a long hard look at myself. Is that what I really think? And if it is (not), what can I do to change it?

Let me be clear: the only thing WE ALL should save for later is our money. Pay yourself first. Always. After that, you are free to spend your money buying the things you need and want AND enjoy them right now.

Joyce Marter, a licensed psychotherapist, said that many of us pin our happiness on future events, achievements or desired outcomes when peace and joy — and quite frankly, our lives — are in the present moment.

Don’t buy that lovely dress for ‘later’. Don’t tuck away that nice perfume on your closet for a ‘special occasion.’ Don’t keep that expensive pesto sauce for ‘another day.’ Every day is special. You ARE special. You deserve to have it and/or use it right now.

Why wait for that imaginary one day that may never come?

In case you forgot: kita gak butuh izin dari siapapun lho untuk nikmatin hidup sekarang, untuk pakai barang-barang yang kita beli dengan uang yang udah susah payah kita kerja untuk dapetin. We DID save (or invest) first pulak.

Ngapain beli makanan atau barang tapi cuma untuk disayang-sayang jadi pajangan? Nanti malah basi atau out of style.

Gw beli buat diri gw sendiri kok. Untuk nyenengin diri gw sekarang. My present self is enough. I do deserve these nice things now. Bukan besok, bukan nanti, bukan kapan-kapan.

Somewhere between 2017 - 2020 something clicked; something changed my mindset and subsequently how I treat my stuff. Now I eat my salmon sashimi seconds after I bought it (no more keeping it in the fridge until whenever), I use everything I own anytime I want, ‘cause now I know I am enough, and I’ll always have enough.

You deserve the best. Every single day. Whether it’s the things you own, or how you’re treated. Always remember that ♥

I saw this 👆🏼quote on my Pinterest feed today. I think it's so true. If you love yourself enough, you will want to work harder to give yourself a better future. Karena hasil kerja keras lo untuk siapa? Untuk diri lo sendiri. Untuk orang-orang yang lo sayang. For me, there are 5 things that I want to work harder on:

1. Work to prioritize what matters most to you

It could be anything, really. God. More sleep. Parents. More me-time. Family. Your self-growth. Freedom. This is like, your why. When you know why you are doing this, especially when you've declared: "OK ini prinsip hidup ogut", then chances are you'll stick to it like those Gorilla Glue on hair. You'll fight tooth and nail to prioritize this thing. And I think this goes without saying, but — for the love of God — please prioritize something that will improve your life. Awas nanti lo tumpah dari angkot kalo prioritasin nonton Netflix atau main game tanpa tujuan

2. Work to have a better relationship with your significant other

Kenapa emak-bapak pada ribet banget kalo nyuruh anaknya cari jodoh? Kenapa kita harus mikirin bibit bebet bobot? Karena pasangan lo akan sangat amat berpengaruh dalam hidup lo. I'm not exaggerating here, but I believe that our life partner can make or break our lives. Segitunya. Jadi bener deh, proses milih teman hidup bukan sesuatu yang bisa kita lakuin asal-asalan. 

Banyak kebiasaan pasangan lo yang akan lo pick up (and vv) and y'all will also share a vibe. A vibe. I don't know about you, but I am sure as hell can't stand anyone with negative vibe. It drains me. Itu baru milih pasangan yak — staying in a relationship with another person for a long time is another story. It takes work to maintain a relationship. And if the other person brings good influence on you, then this is work that is SO worth it to do. Please take time to get to know each other's love language and (you know it) act upon it.

I approve the use of food as love language ✨ moderately ✨

3. Work to eat healthy and exercise daily

Yup yup yup. Gak bosen-bosen selalu gw bilang karena memang sepenting itu. Kita mulai selalu dari sendiri. A healthy body. A healthy mind. A healthy vibe. Omigosh ngomongin gini aja gw ngerasa vibe gw langsung jadi high banget. Kalo lo pernah manifesting pasti familiar deh — you can literally feel it in your body. Gak suka sayur? Mulai dari coldpress juices. Campur buah-buahan biar manis dan most pulp nya juga udah gak ada. Tiap makan aim to have a balance nutrition; there should be differing kinds of foods in certain quantities and proportions so that the requirement for calories, proteins, minerals, vitamins and alternative nutrients is adequate. Olahraga apalagi! Gak ada alasan untuk gak olahraga — jalan kaki 10 menit yang super lincah aja lo udah bisa keringetan. Make time for yourself. YES of course YOU CAN.

4. Work to get to know your mind

Lo tau kan lo akan menghabiskan waktu paling banyak sama diri lo sendiri? Nope, not with your spouse. Yourself. Which means, gak kebayang nyiksa-nya kaya apa kalo self-talk kita negatif mulu. Meskipun mungkin pas kita masih kecil, kita gak diajarin gimana sih caranya proses emosi yang bener? Or how to navigate through these life challenges? Jadi tenang bae, tydak ada kata terlambat untuk belajar. Mulai dari sekarang! I highly recommend daily meditation practice for this one. Two guidance here and here. Yuk pasti bisa luangin waktu 5-10 menit untuk diem sejenak, and take a break from your own mind. You deserve it. You've made it this far. You're doing great. Keep going, babe.

5. Work to save $$$$

This could be either building a side hustle, living below your means.. or both. Like it or not ya kita emang butuh duit to survive. We rely on other people, and the best way to exchange good and services as per tahun 2021 ya pake duit. Finansial ini pasti jadi prioritas banyak orang. Tapi nih yaa gw mau ingetin.. Intinya jangan lupa lo cari duit untuk siapa? Untuk apa? Misal, untuk ajak jalan-jalan keluarga. Terus kalo udah tercapai, how does that make you feel? Ecstatic, right? Focus on that feeling there. Kalo lo belom pernah lakuin ini sebelumnya... Congrats, you just did a real quick manifesting 😎 Intinya dengan hidup sewajarnya, nabung, dan invest $$$ lo sudah melakukan apa yang lo bisa to ensure that your future self will have something to hold on to (thy emergency fund). So pay yourself first, always. 

Remember, you gotta protect your future at all cost.

This is you in the future, thanking your present self for SAVING $$$

Now as you can see, semuanya "work." Gw gak sugar coating dimari. Kerja. Emangnya nyempetin waktu buat tidur siang lebih banyak pas weekdays bukan kerja? 😏 Ya meskipun pasti untuk beberapa orang ada poin yang berasa kaya main aja bukan kerja.. Tapi sebenernya semuanya sama: it takes work and time to build a good life — a life you're happy with, a life you can be proud of. Lemme repeat that in quote form:

It takes work and time to build a good life — a life you're happy with, a life you can be proud of. 

Dan kalo lo fans-nya James Clear, you know what I have to say to end this post, right? 😉 Kalo kita jatuh cinta sama prosesnya, kita bahkan gak usah bikin target — do the thing, and it will all fall into its place, inshaAllah.

Work harder because you love and respect yourself, so much so that you want to improve your quality of life. Isn't that the ultimate form of self-love?

Thanks for reading, and let's work on something meaningful today ♥

Mentors provide bespoke guidance. They take a personal interest in you. It's customized, rare and expensive.

Heroes live their lives in public, broadcasting their model to anyone who cares to look.

Like a custom made suit, a mentor is a fine thing to have if you can find or afford it. But for the rest of us, heroes will have to do.